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| Photo by Arvydas Venckus on Unsplash |
Paul, in Budapest: “When I told a superior I would take six months of paternity leave, he retorted that we do not live in a fantasy world.”
On paper, the use of parental pay by Hungarian fathers doubled between 2016 and 2017 — but only due to bizarre legislation that allows dads to claim parental pay despite actually working full time. As parental leave pay is proportional to salaries, and Hungarian men earn more than their partners, the symbolic shift is worth it for eligible families.
As the official numbers cannot reveal how many fathers really stay home, the best guess is that they continue to make up less than 5 percent of parents staying home with their kids, as they did before the law was changed.
While mothers have had the right to transfer leave to their partners since way back in 1984 the topic is still culturally sensitive 35 years later.
“If it had been up to me, I would have given this interview with my name, showing my face. I’m proud of my wife, who went back to work after 9 months of leave, but aside the shows of support, she has faced a lot of criticism”, a stay-at-home father interviewed last year by the Hungarian online website 24.hu said.
Paul, a Frenchman in his 30s living in Budapest, also prefers to speak anonymously, if only to be able to openly speak his mind about attitudes at his workplace. He is a father of two young children. When his youngest was born, his partner stayed at home for the first six months. Then Paul decided to take six months of paid leave.
This did not go down well at his workplace, an international organization, something Paul puts down to differences in management culture. While fathers staying at home are rare — Paul says he does not know anyone who would have done so in his Budapest circles — the culture is generally family-oriented, he says.
“Hungarians are used to prioritising families, but there are a lot of international companies in Budapest. My Hungarian colleagues find it completely normal to leave work at four o’ clock, because they need to pick up their children from daycare; colleagues from Western Europe frown upon this.”
When Paul told a superior that he planned to take parental leave, he says his superior retorted that they weren’t living “in the world of the Care Bears” — referring to a 1980's cartoon about pastel-coloured bears in a fantasy world of rainbows.
Nevertheless, Paul held his way: he knew paternity leave was his legal right in the Hungarian system.
“I later heard I had lost points at work for this. Maybe I missed a promotion.”
While staying at home entailed a financial sacrifice, as his income plummeted to one fifth compared to his salary — Paul enjoyed his time.
“I’m not your genuine dream dad: the main driver for me was that I was pissed off at work for a number of reasons and I needed a break. I got to combine this with a chance to be with my child. So it was a way to get away from work, relax and get to know my child better.”
Slightly after his child’s first birthday, Paul returned to work, and his child started in daycare. This raised a lot of eyebrows. According to OECD data fewer than one in five Hungarian children are in daycare under the age of two — compared to nearly three in five in France.
“Friends and colleagues, even liberal ones were shocked. This really annoyed me: in France, many children start daycare at 3 months. Still, we aren’t a nation of degenerates.”
As the official numbers cannot reveal how many fathers really stay home, the best guess is that they continue to make up less than 5 percent of parents staying home with their kids, as they did before the law was changed.
While mothers have had the right to transfer leave to their partners since way back in 1984 the topic is still culturally sensitive 35 years later.
“If it had been up to me, I would have given this interview with my name, showing my face. I’m proud of my wife, who went back to work after 9 months of leave, but aside the shows of support, she has faced a lot of criticism”, a stay-at-home father interviewed last year by the Hungarian online website 24.hu said.
Paul, a Frenchman in his 30s living in Budapest, also prefers to speak anonymously, if only to be able to openly speak his mind about attitudes at his workplace. He is a father of two young children. When his youngest was born, his partner stayed at home for the first six months. Then Paul decided to take six months of paid leave.
This did not go down well at his workplace, an international organization, something Paul puts down to differences in management culture. While fathers staying at home are rare — Paul says he does not know anyone who would have done so in his Budapest circles — the culture is generally family-oriented, he says.
“Hungarians are used to prioritising families, but there are a lot of international companies in Budapest. My Hungarian colleagues find it completely normal to leave work at four o’ clock, because they need to pick up their children from daycare; colleagues from Western Europe frown upon this.”
When Paul told a superior that he planned to take parental leave, he says his superior retorted that they weren’t living “in the world of the Care Bears” — referring to a 1980's cartoon about pastel-coloured bears in a fantasy world of rainbows.
Nevertheless, Paul held his way: he knew paternity leave was his legal right in the Hungarian system.
“I later heard I had lost points at work for this. Maybe I missed a promotion.”
While staying at home entailed a financial sacrifice, as his income plummeted to one fifth compared to his salary — Paul enjoyed his time.
“I’m not your genuine dream dad: the main driver for me was that I was pissed off at work for a number of reasons and I needed a break. I got to combine this with a chance to be with my child. So it was a way to get away from work, relax and get to know my child better.”
Slightly after his child’s first birthday, Paul returned to work, and his child started in daycare. This raised a lot of eyebrows. According to OECD data fewer than one in five Hungarian children are in daycare under the age of two — compared to nearly three in five in France.
“Friends and colleagues, even liberal ones were shocked. This really annoyed me: in France, many children start daycare at 3 months. Still, we aren’t a nation of degenerates.”
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